Frozen in time

Because I know you can’t get enough of my antics of late, I thought I’d share a story that happened a few weeks ago. (Sorry, but believe it or not, I haven’t done anything funny or otherwise interesting in 48 hours.)

SB and I had a date. And during said date, he wanted to visit a very large sportsman’s store to buy some work boots. SB is an avid hunter. I used to be a vegetarian. Let’s just say that if he wasn’t mega hot, I probably wouldn’t be on a date to a store featuring various types of animal slaughtering devices. I know, priorities.

So he takes me into a room that can only be described as the “Dead Deer Museum.” That’s exactly what it was — taxidermy central. The deer were all posed in a fake natural habitat resembling a Colorado landscape. Some were jumping over fences, others were reaching up to trees, as if to eat and one little guy was even scratching his ear like my dog does. SB was explaining to me that the collection came from one guy in Colorado who made a ton of money selling his hunted to this store. And I’m trying to act interested because clearly the presentation of these animals is very near and dear (har har) to SB’s heart. And I want to say something profound. So I say, “Wow, how artistic of him to shoot all these deer doing different things.”

SB just kind of looks at me and keeps going. (Later he said he was so confused by the statement because he knows I’m smarter than that so he thought he misheard me. He really thought it was a misunderstanding of taxidermy) So he starts to explain that the taxidermist can recreate the animals doing different things.

Sadly, it wasn’t until the next day as I was retelling this tale to a co-worker that I had the epiphany that animals go limp when they are shot. They do not freeze mid-activity.

I’m a smart one.